All happened in my mind
We met at work
The first week, we said Hi! Hi! and that was it
The second week, she didn’t turn up. She was sick. I waited till the end of the week to get her number from our boss claiming I wanted to check on her but right then I knew it was a means to an end.
The third week, I placed a call through to her and we started talking. That was the beginning of our friendship
Midway through the week, we were already sending messages on a social app. I was using google and the few knowledge my mum had passed down to me about treating her ailment to get her confidence and I did a good job of it
The fourth week, she couldn’t wait to get back to work cos then, we were friends and we were already chatting like we’ve known each other forever
And finally, the fifth week
The first thing she ever told me in a heart to heart talk was that she did not exist. She told me she had a boyfriend but that things were fragmented between them and that for the past few weeks, I’ve usurped him. It was a beautiful lie, the truth buried deep inside. The truth was beautiful but not as beautiful as the lie
The first thing I ever told her was a reply to her beautiful lie. I told her she needn’t worry as she didn’t exist. I told her she was just another office worker that I stopped thinking about once I signed out of the office. It was a beautiful cheeky line. The truth, also buried deep inside. She did not exist so, why do I keep seeing her every time I close my eyes (till date)?
Cynics will always get it bad. I know I need to be in love, I know I want to be in love, I know I just want to love someone for a change. It’s just bad because it all happens in my head with her or so I thought
Maybe she doesn’t exist or maybe she does.…
Maybe she is just a distant memory I’m hopelessly trying to bring back.
I don’t care, I loved her…. I love her
Last night as I close my eyes, I saw her pointing excitedly at the spider building. She pulled me to the entrance and begged me to see the structural beauty of the building even if the lack of maintenance had robbed the building of its aesthetics. I smiled and shook my head. She turned and held my hands, looking into my dark face. I looked into her eyes and my reflection as a tiny twinkle. I was still smiling. I was in love with the building, I was just pretending. She begged me to come inside but then she caught a glimpse of her shadow and she knew immediately that it was late
This isn’t a lie, this really happened….
I prefer the lie so I’m going to lie about our visit to forks and fingers, her favourite restaurant
Pointing excitedly at the ice cream shop, she pulled me to the shop’s window and begged me to come inside with her. I smiled and shook my head. She begged me to come inside and eat some ice cream with her. She said it was going to be worth it. I said she did not exist, hence the ice cream did not exist and that everything was just my wild imagination. She said my mind was her amusement park and right now she wanted ice cream. I laughed and told her to go inside
The ice cream shop was small and it was all in my mind. I made two chairs appear on the far corner of the shop. There was no one in the shop so I held her close to me and looked through the different ice creams
She laughed and pushed me away. She asked why I had to create Amala-flavoured ice cream. I told her that my mind love a little dark humour and chocolate wasn’t dark enough. She pulled me out of the shop
The sky turned grey and rain started pouring melancholically. She asked me what was wrong. I said I just remembered I was a sad fellow. She held me and told me to kiss her. I kissed her. We kissed. The warmth from her lips gave me a kind of glow. It was as though the sun came out through her mouth and my tongue was the cloud giving way for it to shine. The rain stopped and birds sang songs from up in the trees. The sun was shining bright and our feet felt a little scorched
We were standing in her room, she hugged me and told me she loved my mind. I smiled and lifted her from her feet. She screamed happily as I swung her around. Her voice was the lead on the song the birds sang. The wall clock was the bass, my heart was the percussion beating rapidly. My mind was the stage, the audience and the applause that followed. I’ve landed my one and only
We fell to the bed and laughed. She told me she wished we could do this forever. I said I could but then I’d have to die. That way my eyes would be closed forever and my mind forever active. She smiled a sad smile and sighed. It started raining and through the open window, I could feel a few droplets. I would have sworn, the raindrops tasted like tears and the rain sounded more like a wail of a Scottish bag pipe
I told her I missed her.
I told her I loved her.
She told me she did not exist.
She was a beautiful lie.
I love it
I still do….
Musings of a Gentleman – Agbolade Olayemi.